lost
by ChappiRuki
Summary: Rukia left Karakura town one year ago. Now she's back expecting nothing since she'd not only been gone for so long but also erased her presence to someone important. But instead of getting the peace she'd expected, everything comes rolling her way.
1. under and over

Amongst the crowd, a short woman streams along the crowd with ease. She takes a sharp left towards the fences; jumps over them and strays off the dirt path to the grass. After fifteen minutes of limbly crossing over rocks, branches, and rivers, she stands still-

-and inhales deeply.

Her fast-track mind instantly slows down as she faces the field. The familiarity of it as always calms down her heart beats and keeps her at ease.

 _Nothing here has changed._

When the sun is settling back for the dark stage to set, she moves back and climbs up a tree swiftly.

She lies there and dreams.

/-/

He turns, and pauses, feeling something strange thrum in his veins. Before he can even understand it, he grabs his jacket and heads out. It isn't until he's within ten minutes of running that he finally understands that this familiar feeling was him sensing her long-gone reiatsu.

It'd been years, _centuries_ , since he'd felt her reiatsu.

(it has to be her, it has to be her, _it has to be her._ )

When the forest is within his sight, he uses his memories to leap over the various rocks, branches, that would've otherwise tripped him had he not remembered. He stops, his heart beating fast, and finally looks up.

/-/

She was awake the moment she sensed an abrupt heightened reiatsu erupting from Ichigo. At first, she was worried he might be in danger, but his fluctuating reiatsu was excited, desperate even; so she'd assumed this was just him finally being a regular teen who parties and whatnot. And then, without even opening her eyes, she instantly recognizes the footsteps: firm with purpose yet hurried at the same time.

 _Kurosaki Ichigo_

Instead of obeying her instinct to flee immediately, she stays very, very still and silently chides herself for dropping her guard.

After all, he should've forgotten everything by now.

/-/

After ten whole minutes, she _still_ doesn't hear any movement that indicates he's moved away.

 _He isn't going away._

She scowls darkly.

 _Urahara, you better had not lie to me._

 _/-/_

His breath catches in his throat as he confirms what he'd felt. His heart beats at his throat and he swallows it down, forcing his brain to function.

 _It's her._

(Urahara had been right after all.)

"Rukia?"

She stiffens up immediately, leaps off the branch, and runs in the opposite direction, all the while thinking-

 _-how and why the fuck does he remember my name?_

"Rukia!"

She boosts her speed in her escapade but feels him quickly gaining on her.

( _He always was a fast chaser_ , she thinks dryly to herself for a split-second.)

She stops on her heel, and pivots around with a hand outstretched.

"Bind, Hanako!"

A yellow glow flashes before him, and then he's falling forward but manages to keep his face from slamming into the dirt. He struggles against the binds around his hands and feet, and stops when he sees a pair of leather boots in his face. He looks up and blinks.

 _A Chappy mask?_

"Who are you?" the muffled voice demands. Although happy to hear her voice- muffled or not, the shock that she'd even _ask_ such a question has him blink slowly in disbelief before narrowing his eyes.

" _You know me_." He says firmly.

The deafening silence surrounds the both of them. Then, she bends down and hesitantly tilts his face to her.

What she sees on his face makes her jolt back and dig her feet in the ground to stomp out the urge to flee and the urge to collapse into a heap of emotions. Refusing to look at him, she quickly pulls out her Gikon.

"It's useless."

Her thumb pauses mid-way from the button. She looks at him again through her mask, her composure carefully kept in place.

"What?"

"You won't make me forget."

She sees his desperate, searching eyes that _almost_ breaks her determination.

Instead, she gives him a pained smile that he (thankfully) cannot see.

"Sorry."

/-/

a/n: i typed this a while back and found it again, so i thought 'why not?' so here it is~ leave me your thoughts 'bout it! :D


	2. sink?

Ichigo wakes in his room and flips off his bed quickly. He slams his closet door open to the side and finds nothing. After five seconds of stillness, he shuts it softly and sinks to the ground.

 _Rukia_...

He sits there, thinking how he'd let her get away with it _again._ The fact he'd tried to find her in the closet door made him realize she'd probably added memories that were never there. He can't help but wonder why he'd coincidentally have dreams that cruel, as if she'd willingly come back with him and stay in the closet like old times. He tries for a moment, but cannot sense her reiatsu at all this time around. A sense of hoplessness washes over him.

 _She's gone..._

"Ichigo!" Yuzu flips the door to his room with a worried look, "Are you all right? I called you three- what are you doing?"

"Nothing," he says absently as he rises from his slouching position; he brushes past her, "nothing."

"Ichi-"

"So, breakfast?" He intercedes, giving her a smile.

After a minute of silence, Yuzu finally flashes a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Of course..."

/-/

Ichigo walks to school and greets his friends. He vehemently focuses on the teacher's lecture them about numbers, letters, equations, and its uses that even Ishida looks lax compared to him.

Not once does he look to the empty seat beside him.

/-/

"Hisana-nee," Rukia says gently, "I'm not returning until I finish my mission here..no, I have not run into Kurosaki-san..yes, I'll be careful."

She hangs up and slides her phone into her desk drawer. She collapses onto the couch and stares up at the ceiling.

 _Goddammit_.

She'd carried him back to his house and erased her presence and traces immediately afterwards; now she makes sure to use the reiatsu-hide pills every four hours, and so far hasn't bumped into any more trouble.

She releases a sigh. That stupid, _stupid_ Strawberry.

And then red invades her peripheral vision. _And that Urahara._

She immediately grabs for her phone and dials his number; she taps her foot impatiently.

"Hello! This is Urahara's shop-"

"Uryuu-san, put Kisuke on the phone. _Now_."

Uryuu pauses and considers warning him beforehand but decides against it since she didn't want to be on the receiving end of her anger. Rukia hears steps coming, some muttering, and then the switch of users; she cuts in immediately.

"Kisuke Urahara. You told me that Ichigo 100% forgot about me; that's why I decided it was safe to return to Karakura town. You told me so, so _why the hell does he remember?_ "

"Kuchiki-san~" -she twitches in irritation with the way he twists her name in his weird ways- "what are you talking about?"

"Cut the bullshit Kisuke," she says heatedly.

He sighs dramatically on the other end and relents, "All right, all right, he never really forgot about you. I mean, I went over to ensure that you completely erased his memories correctly as you'd asked, but the results were only by half."

"Half?"

"He remembers his human time with you."

She breathes a sigh of relief; at least that essential part was gone.

"...oh."

"Just kidding!"

She stiffens, " _What?_ "

"He still remembers everything!" He cries out, gleeful with his mischievous trolling, "you see, you went there to erase them, but when I checked, it failed. So I suppose that means-"

The line cuts.

Urahara sighs and puts the phone back into the receiver, then pops right back up lively as ever.

"Ok.." he rubs his hands together, "I'm going to need my candy, food, in -oh! my tools too- and possibly my lab-" -he pauses in thought, then calls out for his partner- "-Tessai! Do you think hell would let me bring my lab?"

His partner stares at him.

"What?"

/-/

a/n: yep, another chapter. In a day. Huh, I think this happened last time with _centered_ too in the beginning; aw shucks whatever, just take it as it is :p

Reply to Reviews

Snow: here it is! :D i'm glad u like it~ And yeah, i'll try to update this as much as i can. Thx for reviewing; it made my day!


	3. same

Ichigo dismisses his friends with smiles so as to not worry them and gets what he wants: to walk alone. He walks down the concrete steps and sits on the second to last step. He's close enough to see his reflection in the river that when he does look down, he smirks bitterly.

He looks so pitiful.

He averts his eyes away from his reflection and stares straight ahead instead with a chin in one hand, seemingly bored or thinking. Ichigo remembers many things about her; he remembers meeting her for the first time and the smiles glowing up on her face. But that became endearing over time and they'd been happy-

-or at least he had been happy.

To this day, he does not understand what went wrong that she'd feel the need to flash the Gikon in front of him to make him forget her _-_ as if _that_ was possible.

But funny enough, everyone he knew did forget about her, except himself. It drove him to the edge as he felt he just couldn't hang around with them as much without feeling the need to scream. At times, he did wonder if she ever existed, having had absolutely no one to confirm that she even existed.

Ichigo sighs and stretches, then resumes sitting with a bored look.

He pretends he isn't waiting.

/-/

Rukia grabs her hoodie and lifts it over herself; she steps out and breathes in the misty air of Karakura town.

She'd missed this place.

She strolls in the dark aimlessly and feels life immediately seep back into her lifeless body. Memories play out in front of her, happy memories of innocent times when she was merely a high school student who did her duties diligently for the Kuchiki clan, surpassed the school's expectations, and had a well-kept social life.

It'd been easy.

So immersed is she within her past that she only notices where she is when the moonlight shines in the waters. She stops and bites her lips, then walks down the steps. She pauses near the river then bends down and looks at her reflection.

Again, no matter how exhausted she is, her appearance never looks out of place, as if she were perfectly stable and ok. Rukia supposes it's a Kuchiki thing, to always remain composed under any situation- both a curse and a blessing.

She sits on the second to last step, her chin in her hands as she looks straight ahead, contemplating on what to do next.

/-/

Ichigo wakes up from his sleep and regrets it. His shoulders and back ache from the hard ground of dry grass. He gets up and stretches, his physical body recovering instantly, but his mind wanders off to his dream.

It'd been happy ones when Rukia had been around for those three years, ones he wished _badly_ to return to.

He inhales and exhales several times until the heavy feeling is uplifted. He opens his eyes.

This place always calms him down.

Ichigo nearly turns to leave until he notices that someone else is near the river a mile away from him. He walks closer, pacing, and stops at the familiar sitting position. His heart beats once, twice, then faster than ever, yet he refuses to run and instead remains calm.

He refuses to make the same mistake as last time.

/-/

Rukia watches the dark clouds pass the large moon and feels herself gravitating towards it. She remembers the moon being there when she'd gone and done the deed: erase his friends' and Ichigo's memories of her. She remembers shedding tears for the last and final time as she erased Ichigo's memories as he stared up at her in betrayal and disbelief. Then she'd departed to-

"Yo."

/-/

a/n: yeah, let's say Rukia doesn't sense Ichigo's reiatsu because she's very deep in thought :p


	4. facing

She swiftly turns at his voice with wide eyes, and curses herself for her carelessness for not wearing her mask. She considers running off again, but stops and recalls her earlier promise with her best friend and Ichigo's friend, the only one who she hadn't tried to erase memories of herself from.

/-/

(5 hours ago)

She throws her phone into the drawer with reckless anger and stands there breathing hard as she musters up all her energy to contain and control the red she sees. She swears under her breath that the next time she visits the shop, she'll give Kisuke the beating he deserves.

Rukia eyes the phone lying on her couch and checks a couple messages. After reading them all, she immediately sets to work on her Kuchiki duties (even from afar, she'd still manage her duties out of pride).

Then Rukia fills herself up with food and quickly busies herself with her plans in Karakura town. After that, she breathes in and out, and dials Orihime's phone after ensuring she was alone in her apartment.

"Inoue Orihime here! Who's calling please?"

" 'Kuru'."

A pause, then, "Oh my god...I haven't heard from you for so long! I can't wait to talk with you later- oh it's 3 already. I need to cook now! I'll call you later!"

Both hang up; Orihime swallows the same pill Rukia uses to hide her reiatsu, and strides out the door towards their pre-planned destination when Rukia returned.

...

Orihime walks faster with anticipation when she spots a small figure with a familiar Chappy mask ahead of her at the bench. "Kuru!"

Said figure turns and smiles. "Hello Inoue-san." They hug each other then sit down.

"It's been so long since we've been here," Orihime comments nostalgically, "Remember when we were here as five-year-olds? We really started off great and ended up being best friends in our high school years. Oh, and- I-I- here we are now."

"Yes, we are." Rukia affirms quietly, choosing to ignore her purposeful stuttering. "How are you? Are you all right?"

"Of course I am! I've got friends from Soul Society who help me." She chirps cheerily, "what about you?"

"It's perfectly fine. I've managed this far, so I won't stop now. Besides," she shrugs nonchalantly, "I like being a substitute shinigami."

"You realize that now?" Orihime laughs. "You've always loved helping people even if it troubled you at times, like when shinigami Ikkaku-san rammed into you with his blade during the exam."

"He definitely learned his lesson; he was surprised I later aced that test," she chuckles along with Orihime, then a long silence passes before she asks her real intent, "How is he?"

She looks away. "You saw him. He's..not too bad, but during the past year, Kurosaki-kun kept waiting for you, and I don't think he's going to stop." She pauses to swallow down a sad sigh. "He's going to keep waiting."

"...What a fool." Rukia finally says, half-exasperated and half-affectionate. "You'd think anyone normal would give up by now."

"Kurosaki-kun and you have a strong bond that won't break under any circumstance, even if he is no longer a substitute shinigami." Orihime reminds her gently.

"Yes...I know." She sighs. "That, and my current mission here makes it all the more harder to avoid him."

It's silent until: "K-Kuru-san." Looking down, Orihime nervously twists her skirt up. Rukia glances at her curiously. "This may be presumptuous for me to say...but don't you think this is a chance for you to talk and settle things with him? He deserves the truth, a-and maybe from there, he can decide and move on."

"Talking with him, much less _meeting_ with him, will bring danger to not only him but to his family," Rukia says grimly. "I can't risk that."

"But it's not good for Kurosaki-kun to keep living this way, knowing absolutely zilch and stressing over it. It makes me sad seeing him like that and being unable to do _anything_." She grips her skirt even tighter. " _It's killing me_."

Rukia stares at her distraught friend and remembers how Orihime could _feel_ the pain anyone was in and even feel pain for _them_ no matter if it was an enemy or not, _especially_ when it came to Ichigo, having had an instantaneous and intense crush on him before it -just as spontaneous- faded along the way. By then though, Orihime knew _exactly_ how he was feeling, but just could not soothe him the way he needed it; and thus was feeling tortured by it, which was taking its toll on her after a year.

She sighs. "And just when I promised Hisana-nee I wouldn't see him anymore." Orihime looks up at her with hope, her eyes gleaming excitedly. "I give up. I'll talk to him, and _maybe_ tell him about why I left- that I guarantee nothing."

Still excited since this was a _big_ step for Rukia, Inoue squeals in glee and hugs her friend tightly before Rukia has time to react; when she finally let's go, Rukia quickly steps out of range. "On two conditions."

Orihime pouts and whines, "Come _on_ , Kuru-san. It's not fair that I have to do something harder than what you're doing."

"I didn't even start stating my conditions yet." Rukia says slyly with an innocent smile hidden behind her mask; her friend continues to pout with crossed arms, having been a victim of Rukia's dreadful conditions before that seemed to worsen _every single time_.

"Starting today, for _only_ a month" -at this, Orihime mentally slaps herself repeatedly and groans outwardly- "you can _only_ eat regular food that _I_ cook or give you for every single meal or snack. You _cannot_ eat anything else. Breaking this means eating a lifetime of my food forever and only."

Orihime gawks at her extreme cruelty and tries to change her mind with close-up sad and teary puppy eyes, only to be received with a scoff. She looks away and imagines with an aching groan of all the wonderful, delicious food that's _not_ going to be in her stomach in that one month. She was even going to try that wasabi-red bean-cheese-lamb-pickle bread one-time special at her own bakery shop that's going to be released _today_.

But then she recalls Kurosaki's own dreadful look that's even _sadder_ than hers, and to watch it all the time would torture her even _more_ , knowing she had had the chance to help him brighten up, and hopefully smile a real one for the first time in a year.

She sighs drearily, gives a sorrowful pat on her sad stomach, and gives Rukia a weary, dry look as if she was handing over her life to hell.

"Fine."

/-/

(present)

"Hey," she finally says. They silently stare at each other, then he takes a hesitant step forward. Seeing no indication she was going to flee, Ichigo strides forward and sits beside her, keeping his hands clasped tightly together to resist holding her in his arms.

"Rukia."

She turns and looks at him in the eye, "Yes?"

Reading the obvious tension and wariness in her face, he stops the questions from pouring out of his mouth and gives her a warm smile instead.

"Welcome back."

/-/

a/n: updated after 2 long days! XD hopefully this'll make up for it~

Reply to Reviews

Snow: here u go~ :) enjoy, and thanks for the review as always!


	5. talk

/-/

She smiles back in return, while thinking how Ichigo had become more perceptive while she was gone. The small factor reminds her yet again how people change in bits and pieces over time, and yet, he's still willing to be _here_.

"You're not asking me anything." Rukia finally says after some time passes, having expected a tumble of questions to pour out from his mouth, even if he had said rather heartful words that she feels she doesn't deserve. "Why?"

"I am curious, but I don't want to hear about it while you have _that_ face." Ichigo scoffs, remembering that somber expression of hers that showed dread and hesitance. "It'll just make me guilty if I ask a topic that hurts you beyond words." She doesn't deny it; he continues. "So I'll wait."

Rukia chuckles and punches his arm; he winces, thinking how her punch hasn't decreased but rather increased its strength after all this time. "Copycat."

"I learn from the best." Ichigo counters with a playful smirk.

"You better," she retorts, her grin betraying the scoff in her voice. " _Strawberry_."

" _Midget_."

Both glare at each other before bursting into laughter, and it's then she realizes that in their world, their bonds truly are still strong despite not seeing each other. Rukia leans against his shoulder and a peaceful silence falls between the two.

"It's been a year." She muses quietly to herself, watching the river with a calamity she hasn't felt in a long time, having to hurdle back-and-forth between her Kuchiki duties and her shinigami duties. Exhausting as it was, it was a choice she'd made without regrets.

"Yeah," Ichigo agrees; before he would've disagreed and say it'd been centuries, but with her here, reality sinks in that it'd been a year only, no more, no less. "You been doing ok?"

"Of course," Rukia chuckles, "Kuchikis adapt to all sorts of situations whether they like it or not, well," she pauses, "except for the Elders."

"They've been troubling you?" Ichigo asks in a light tone, something he'd developed during the span of time she'd been gone to protect himself from prodding questions that involuntarily stabbed him in the heart.

"Yes," she says simply. "But not as much as the shinigami and whatnot."

Ichigo can't help but grin at her annoyed tone that indicates how much she actually cares about her job as a substitute shinigami. Then the smile disappears as memories of a time where he himself had been a substitute shinigami tears through the wall he'd built to protect himself.

As nostalgia runs through him, he can't help but miss the sense of purpose and fulfillment badly even if he was not needed anymore. For once, he's grateful for her departure that gave him a better composure and thus display a far more mature person.

Even so, he can't ignore his desparity now, still feeling that a part of himself remains lost forever in the void of powerlessness that no one can fulfill. Funny, he smirks bitterly, once Rukia is back, the empty feeling of her disappearance nulls, but the longing for his shinigami powers is more prominently felt than ever before.

(even so, he'd rather have her back than never)

In the silence, she recalls her earlier dilemma, thinking over how she was going to execute her plan now that Ichigo's remembrance was a possible hinderance to her plans. Rukia glances over at Ichigo, vainly hoping that maybe just looking at him will help resolve her indecision somehow.

She stiffens at the man who is now basking himself in self-pity besides her. A familiar rise of simultaneous irritation and strength runs through her as Rukia looks at the former man who was once stronger than _this_. Seeing him this pitiful, this _weak_ , sickens her to the core.

It's in that instant she makes her decision.

"Ichigo." He wallows out of his self-pity by the sudden clarity in her voice and is affirmed by the strength in her eyes. "I've a proposition."

/-/

a/n: still writing what happens next so i thought it'd be better to leave u with _something_ than nothing :p

Reply to Reviews

Snow: You're going to have to wait a little longer for Rukia to explain xD tbh, since it's them, Ichigo wouldn't bother her about it :p thx for waiting and thx for the review! :D


	6. returning escalation

/-/

"When I was gone, I found something interesting along the way." Rukia starts. "That there _is_ a way to bring back your shinigami powers."

Ichigo stares at her, trying to comprehend her words. The thought of them returning had crossed his minds on many occassions, but he'd never once thought that it'd be possible. "So...how?"

"So eager to have them back huh," Rukia muses with a chuckle; Ichigo is not amused. "The fact that your memories aren't gone though makes it harder."

"What does my memory have to do with my powers?" He asks, perplexed, then epiphany hits him. "Is _that_ why-...nevermind."

"Baka," she snaps anyways (how _dare_ he suggest such a thing), "I wouldn't do that for such a petty reason." She sighs. "It's...something I'll tell you after-."

Rukia stops as she's pulled into his lap, his arms wrapped around her shoulders and his chin on her head. "Get it in your brain already dimwit. I meant it when I said I'll wait."

It's a moment of: she's _finally_ in his arms, and she's _here,_ andwantingmore that he molds her back to his chest, then tilting her head to him and leaning down-

-before his chin flies up, and registers pain. "Oww." He complains; her smirk on her face shows the lack of remorse. She grabs his shirt down to her and leans closer- " _that's_ for interrupting me so rudely"- and smacks her lips onto his.

Pain of collision of teeth hits him first before it leaves just as quickly, already relishing in the feel of passion, her lips on his.

(It's them returning to a time of sweet innocence before she and he knew each other so well, without her turning-complicated substitute shinigami duties and his knowledge of it and joining, when it'd been simple and easy.)

But then he cages her in even more tightly that she _almost_ registers pain, but is quickly distracted by his hot tongue in the caverns of her mouth- and pain, loss, gain, everything they'd gone through after being substitute shinigamis accumulates into more desire than they'd ever figured as months before that, they'd merely been a sweet couple who hardly knew each other and merely liked each other.

She let's go and inhales before she forgets everything she meant to say in the midst of heat (though his hand behind her head prevents her from completely parting him, leaving her to lean against his forehead). " _As I was saying_ , I have to train you to get back your eyesight in seeing the shinigami and all _dummy_. And from there, the rest is secret as to how you're officially getting your shinigami powers back."

"Fuck it. Later," he growls, his head slightly frazzled by the heat before he takes a breath and thinks more coherently, "save that for later."

She doesn't complain as he slides his mouth back down on hers.

/-/

a/n: well, that escalated quickly, definitely wasn't planning that, and ooc Ichigo...aw well, leave me ur thoughts on it xD

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Snow: thanks :) here's the update and enjoy ^^


	7. home

/-/

Rukia lies on the floor against the couch and recalls making out with Ichigo, and only one thought repeats itself- they'd made out. Outside. Where anyone could've passed by and see them. And yet, she didn't have any regrets about it. She sighs and half-smiles, _what has he turned me into?_

"What're you smiling about?" Ichigo yawns from his lying position on the couch, his arm dangling beside her as he puts her hair behind her ear.

He'd refused to let her go, which simultaneously touched her _and_ annoyed her, which obviously led to the routine argument. Surprising him, she gave in to what both wanted (not without punching him in the stomach though). Rukia rarely follows her heart, if ever- a part that he loves and hates; then again he'd never expected to be kissed by her first either.

Either way, now he's here, at her old place that still held so many memories of them together; a place he never came back to after realizing she was gone; a place he avoids.

So the fact her place is here makes his heart beat at a rate considered impossible when he steps in for the first time in seemingly _decades_. Except unlike him being here alone, feeling a void grow, and all livelihood leave his being, she's here besides him to steer him right.

(surprisingly, it doesn't hurt as much to admit that he had, after all, been waiting for her while moving forward as a human robot.)

"Nothing much, except your idiocy." She says without looking.

Unaffected, he smirks. "Since you're hanging out with the idiot, I guess that'd make you one too."

"Nope, I'm just here to keep your foolishness in check." She chirps innocently. "Which makes _me_ the smarter one."

Ichigo scowls and says something along the lines he'd-never-win; she turns around and grins, agreeing with his statement. He glares at her for a moment, then yawns again.

"Get to sleep now, fool." She chides after he vainly tries to keep his eyes open. She softens her gaze and runs a hand through his hair. "I'm still here."

Too tired to say that that hadn't been the case, Ichigo just smiles at the familiar concerned tone and opens his hand at his side.

She understands and takes it.

/-/

a/n: short but hopefully still ok

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Snow: yep, he totally would in the manga :p thx for the review :)


	8. home II

/-/

Rukia yawns and looks at Ichigo, who seems to be sleeping peacefully. She smiles and runs a hand through his hair before slipping her hand away from his grip. She goes through her normal morning routine, then sets up her laptop on her desk and begins her Kuchiki duties. Her phone rings at the end of her finished routine.

Rukia warily glances down at her phone, _Hisana_. She puts it aside and sighs wearily, _Hisana-nee will not be pleased_. She looks at the phone again as it rings for the second time; _lie, truth, lie_ , _truth, lie- ah, fuck it,_ she picks it up. "Hello?"

"Hello, Rukia." Hisana replies with a gracefulness that would soothe anyone's worries, even hers, except today. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong onee-san. I'm just..." she falters, then sighs. "I met Ichigo."

"I figured it'd have to do with that boy." She laughs softly. "You're always more emotional- mm, _alive_ , when it comes to him."

A pause, caution: "...You're not mad?"

"How can I be mad about something so predictable?" She muses. "Since the first time you called me your tone indicated that one way or another you saw him, but didn't want to talk with him, correct?"

Even on the phone, her sister still knew her so well; Rukia chuckles. "Yes."

"I _am_ worried about your well-being though," Hisana says with concern.

She pauses briefly. "Don't worry about me nee-san; worry about yourself for my sake, especially now that the Elders know you've recovered well. I can still handle my duties as a shinigami and as a Kuchiki for a bit longer than you think."

"I know that. You're a capable person, even Byakuya acknowledges that- and before you refute that, he _had_ temporarily assigned you as the Kuchiki Head for a year; and now you're his advisor." At this, Rukia says nothing, remembering those busy days with glazy eyes. "It is a concern too since you always go over your limits, but what I'm truly talking about is your feelings."

"Feelings hm." Rukia muses, still typing away. "I trust using my head more than my heart, otherwise nothing can be done."

"True," she begins, "but the heart can do things that-"

"Look, nee-san, I can't deal with this right now. I'm very busy and I can't..." Rukia trails off, exhaustion replacing the rising impatience from hearing the same old thing over and _over_ , and then the work, and pressure, and Ichigo- she sighs and rubs her temple. "I'm sorry for snapping- I just...I'll get back to you later all right?"

"Please take care of yourself, Rukia." Hisana says softly with worry. Rukia simply ends with goodbye and love, and then stares at the screen in front of her listlessly. She relaxes when a pair of hands massage her stiff shoulders. She let's herself forget for the moment and smiles teasingly. "Hey, _eavesdropper_."

Ichigo smirks. "I think it's only right for me to be present when I'm the subject of the conversation."

"Well, that'd make a lot of misses for not being around." Rukia muses as she recalls an important conversation with Urahara and the Head Captain, and that she hasn't asked since then, if they're almost done yet (and then half-hoping they aren't; she brushes away the selfish thought).

"You talk about me _that_ much?" He teases, bending over and nearing her lips, but then is abruptly pulled back by her hands on the sides of his face. "What?"

 _Ah_ , she thinks silently with a frown as she takes in his concern and hidden-but-on-the-surface questions, _this idiot_.

"Baka," Rukia chides with a frown. "I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"I know, I won't worry anymore since I'm going to be shouldering some of your shinigami duties too." Ichigo smiles, much more brighter than she'd expected, and a small pool of dread seeps out of fear of that smile being washed away permanently this time around if returning his powers-

"And if it fails," he shakes her out of her thoughts, "I'll shoulder your Kuchiki duties one way or another, preferably getting rid of the Elders for one." At this, she giggles, remembering his murderous aura when the Elders made unnecessary comments about their relationship, until they saw his face (even Byakuya smirked at the sight).

And then, he finds her staring at him in such disbelief that it's almost comical. "What is it now?"

"...Nothing." She replies, his words repeating in her head. A year ago he couldn't say that he'd permanently lost it, much less _talk_ about anything shinigami-related. As she'd expected, yesterday night he seemed bitter, sad about his loss. And then today, he can say it like it's _nothing_?

"I've grown up during the past year Rukia. Changed in some ways." He says quietly. She snaps out of her stunned position, realizing she must've spoken aloud. "The way I was yesterday was because it hit me hard then all at once, but it's dulled now."

Rukia tilts her head, confused with this new maturity she's facing. "How?"

Ichigo laughs for so long that Rukia feels a growing impatience rising in her. Tears come to his eyes as he quiets, still gloating, but this time with affection. He leans down- "of all the things you understand about me, you still don't understand _this_ " -and kisses her slowly, lazy almost if she couldn't read him well: loving and appreciation, unlike yesterday's tornado of passionate and need.

He let's go first and leans against her forehead. "You're always like this, concerned about others even when you've enough trouble on your hands. You came back to return my shinigami powers to make me happy- and I _would_ be if it happened. But it's something I want, not what I need, not like with _you_."

She pulls his cheek, half in irritaion, and half to repress the damn blush threatening to show on her face. "How cheesy."

But Ichigo is not blind and laughs with a sort of pride for making her stunned for once, since the time he'd saved her.

Rukia let's go of a bright smile for the first time in a long time.

 _I'm home._

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Snow: here we are~ and srsly, thx for your review, it's what made me write the next chapter asap :)


	9. nags, rags, and tags

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Rukia awakens routinely in the middle of the night to do her night-shift shinigami duties, no matter how tired she was from dealing with the Kuchki Elders.

Today is no different- in that aspect.

She recalls how she'd teasingly asked him if he wanted to join her in bed. He'd amuse her with that bright red face and spluttering out words that all together meant I'm not ready for that yet, even if he'd kissed her quite passionately earlier or cuddled with her on the couch.

But instead he'd paused and looked at her for such a long time with such an intense gaze that Rukia would've fidgeted if it weren't for that she was trained by the Kuchiki to never show weakness to anyone under any circumstance. And then he'd given her a smile and shrugged, "Sure."

(to that, she'd hit him on the arm for reading her nervousness in his new attitude and taking amusement in that)

So the reverse happened: she being (slightly) flustered, he remaining calm. Still not quite believing his answer, she jumped to bed first and couldn't fall asleep (... _I'm not waiting, I'm not_ _,_ she convinces herself) _,_ and moments later, he did too. After nothing happened, she found herself falling asleep, soothed by his reiatsu.

And so, they'd slept quickly side-by-side peacefully.

Or so she thought.

His arms are wrapped around her- one above her chest and one on the stomach- and holding her so close that from behind, she's practically molded into him, feeling his every curve against her back. The warmth he exudes gives her comfort and security- she blinks.

 _Oh_ , she touches his arm lightly and heat immediately seeps through her fingertips, _I lost this back at the Kuchiki manor_. She chuckles, quietly, at memories of assassination attempts, sleepless nights, and more.

(still, she'd do it again to save her sister, no questions asked.)

People are always changing- this, she knows clearly from personal experience: meeting Orihime, became a Kuchiki, a shinigami, and then attending the public high school, reunitingwith Orihime, and-

-meeting Ichigo.

Ichigo was, _is,_ a big change in her life, first to when she became a substitute shinigami. Although they didn't care much for each other at first, or even liked each other that much (they'd bickered first glance), they'd become closer after Rukia pushed him away to prevent the wild dog from ripping his arm off in a trip. (later he'd learn she'd knocked him out in order for her to use her powers and heal herself)

At the time, she'd been dismayed with his ridiculous pride that he was indebted to her and that stupid curiosity of his about her miraculous healing that he ended up trying to get too close to her for her liking.

But whether she liked it or not, he ended up making her feel so many things that she never knew, or what was suppressed by simply being a Kuchiki.

Going out with him was the second choice she'd made out of the heart, the first being a substitute shinigami.

And then hollows coincidentally came by more often, so she began struggling, and Ichigo noticed this- which led to him finding out soon after she confessed willingly, unwilling to make him at unease or in danger.

Ichigo being the fool he was went behind her back and became a substitute shinigami himself. She watched him grow and shine with pride, and dim with gloom and sadness- all within a year.

She'd watched him change for so long, that expecting a new Ichigo along with the old him slightly made her expect a large distance as well. Instead it's as if the distance closes and that she gains excitement in what more he will show; but she's not naive to believe in that just yet.

She clings onto this bubble they form together ( _just a little longer, a little longer-_ ) before her brain kicks in and she grabs her badge. With her body still laying there, she moves out in her shinigami form successfully without disturbing him. She slips through the window halfway and-

"Rukia?"

She stiffens immediately and a thousand thoughts run: _wait, what, how- there's no way, but then why-_ first day: she'd come back, forgotten to take said pill, and he'd come running, which could only mean-

"Why so stoic?" he breathes cooly next to her ear, and she pushes away the pressing thought ( _later, duty first, Kuchiki Rukia_ ).

"I'll explain...later," she says hesitantly, unsure if what she'd ask treads on dangerous waters, because if it isn't so, why hasn't he said- _not now_ , she scolds herself. "I've to do my night-shift shinigami patrol first."

He laughs before reaching out to ruffle her hair-

-and passes through air.

An awkward, tense pause shifts in the air before he pulls back his hand and runs it through his hair and forces a laugh.

"Sorry. I forgot I couldn't touch you when you're in..." he trails off, unable to form the words.

"Ichigo...you baka." Rukia says exasperatedly; her phone beeps persistently and she turns away from the masked man before her. The next words are whispered so quietly he almost misses it-

"I'm the one whose sorry."

She jumps off and leaves him with nothing else to say, only that-

- _di_ _stance engaged._

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Snow: for reviewing and for your enthusiasm, thank you :)


	10. unfolding rebel-project I

a/n: warnings are ooc urahara and temporary oc added

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She gracefully slices the hollow in half, watching it dissipate in the air before turning around and observing the young soul, and yet, she muses, _he looks a lot like me, jaded and tired._

"Are you also here to send me to that place called Soul Society?" He asks duly, kicking his foot in the air.

"...Yes." She answers after getting over her shock, logically assuming that this boy must've seen the ritual 'konso' performed nearby. He scowls.

"I've died there, in Rukongai before, and died here early as well," he says flatly, "having seen it before, I don't want to go. At all."

She chuckles and he glares at her, a retort ready to fire-

"What's your name?"

"...Matsuda." He answers carefully, curious where this is going.

"Matsuda-san," she starts, "how long has it been since you died there and here?"

He blinks in confusion. "There, thirteen years ago. Here, I just died at 10."

"Good then." Rukia smiles brightly and crouches, making herself see eye-to-eye with him. "Soul Society- ah, Rukongai specifically has changed. It's not so bad now as you think."

"Really?" He asks skeptically. "I don't believe you."

"I wouldn't either," she muses, "unless I weren't the one that changed it with the help of Orihime and a few others. Hmm..." She sighs and hates just the thought of it, but there's no other way.

"Let's go to Kisuke's place for you to see it yourself."

"I don't trust you to not kill me." He says stubbornly.

"Here." She places her sword in his hands. "And I'll stand in front so you can watch me, 'k?"

 _What a strange shinigami,_ he thinks as he grips the unseemingly heavy sword to himself tightly and meets patient, empathetic eyes.

"Ok."

/-/

Before they enter his store, Rukia wonders if Ichigo has influenced her too much with his abrupt, caring ways ( _yes, yes, and yes,_ though he'd say she was always like this).

She turns the light switch on. "Kisuke?"

"He's sleeping, like the children." Tessai says from the small opening of his door.

Rukia smiles brightly ( _perfect,_ _didn't want to see the asshole anyways)._ "Then I'll be using the screening room."

"Ah-"

" _Hm?_ " Rukia turns back, eyes and smile wide with: _don't you fucking dare stop me; the fucker owes me_ and _I'm not in the mood to answer your pesky questions._

"Nothing," Tessai says, oblivious to her dark smile; the boy on the other hand shrinks in fear, even if it isn't directed at him (he thanks every god there is in the universe). "Just, will you be sending Urahara-san to hell?"

"Of course not," she smiles even darker, "why would I ever do such a _merciful_ act?"

"I see. Please feel free to use the room." He bows lowly as she passes him. She shuts the door. Still bowing, "You see? You've nothing to worry about Urahara."

Kisuke remains in the dark shadows, still trembling in his shell of protection, having seen the dark gaze that came about once before, and the result hadn't been pretty.

('pretty' being an understatement to the rage she exudes once the innocent smile tears off)

"Thanks for saving my hide there, Tessai."

"Um, sure?"

...

"Urahara?"

"Hm?"

"...Is it really necessary to turn into a turtle?"

" _Of course it freakin'-_ oops, hmhm." Kisuke clears his throat awkwardly. "Tessai, I personally did not turn into a turtle. It's merely a gigai that I prepared long ago in case Aizen succeeds in taking the world into his own hands."

"And that's why there's wet green paint splattered all over your lab room?" The black cat, Yoruichi, asks dryly.

...

"Shihoin. Tessai."

"Hmmm?" "Yes?"

"Shut it."

Yoruichi smirks slyly. "Sure."

Tessai: "Ok."

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a/n: in a weird mood :p ichigo might appear in next chapter

Snow: because in my created world, seeing ghosts/shinigami doesn't mean having the ability to touch them while in human form :p or maybe i'll actually make a legit/logical excuse in future chapters, hm... anyways, here's an update! :D


	11. unfolding rebel-project II

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Rukia turns on the large screen and presses a button for a tab to open up. The screen reflects the area where they were, and are. "For proof," she explains, "I'll show you this isn't just clips or videos from years ago."

After showing him the surveillance on the current Karakura town, she clicks on another and it shows where Tessai is, and Urahara; she snickers (good, he was listening). "We just met him earlier there, and he apparently remains there." She points to a dark blip. "This here is Kisuke, who I'm sure you felt the presence of. Do you believe me now?"

He nods, and thinks she's a sadist.

"Good." Rukia opens another tab, and he stares closely.

He frowns, it's still the- wait, he peers closer, and then notes: not once is there garbage thrown astrew on the side, the buildings look cleaner, and even the clothes do not look like rags. He checks the date and is startled to find it to be only a month before.

"This, believe it or not, is the final result of the 78th district." She pauses to let him sink it in. "The clean-up shinigami tidied the area, and proper buildings, like hospitals, necessity stores, etc were built by the residents themselves. I ensured that there be safety with laws and guards and whatnot. Of course, all of this had to be in concur with the residents themselves. This happened in every district, although each to its own."

Matsuda says nothing, then, "But how did all of this pass within the Central 46?"

Rukia smiles darkly. "My friend, Orihime, and I convinced them quite easily." She smirks, "They understood very well."

He grimaces, _definitely a sadist, but,_ he relents, _she's not a bad person._

"So," she looks at him expectantly, "what do you think?"

"I don't think I'll really know until I'm there," he half-smiles, "so I'll have to go to find out."

"Good," she says simply, and puts out a hand. "My katana?"

He hands her her sword and heaves with relief as the weight falls off of him and back to her. She laughs at this and comments innocently. "Heavy eh?"

"...Not really." Matsuda grunts and doesn't look at her. "Hurry up already."

Rukia smiles. "Yes." She presses the handle to his forehead and watches him glow brightly in awe; she never got tired of it.

"Oh, I forgot," he lightly lands his fist into his palm, "what's your name?"

She looks at him carefully, then, "Kuru is what I've been called a lot in the Seireitei." Rukia says with a soft smile. "So I go by that name, but for you..." -she whispers lowly with a finger lifted to signify quiet- "it's Rukia, ok?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Rukia."

She grins, "no problem", and tweaks his nose, "You better tell me how it is when I find you!"

His eyes go wide with surprise, and she finally sees the kid in him, not the adult face: rigid and composed. "You'll visit?"

"Naturally," she winks, "can't always trust digital stuff right?"

"Yay," he hugs her, "see you soon then."

"Ja ne." She returns cheerfully and he vanishes from sight. Rukia waits, rises and pats her knees off mindlessly before leaving with a prideful feeling.

 _Mission accomplished_

* * *

a/n: oops, forgot about ichigo xD uh he'll be in the next chapter i think

Snow: thank you ^^ and here it is! :D


	12. burnt

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With the boy now gone along with her pride, her head returns to a whirl of confusion and frustration, and all of it is Ichigo's fault...but mostly, herself.

She _should've_ known that he -being the stubborn fool he was- would do something, take _anything_ in order to return back to who he was. She knew him extremely well, and yet somehow she'd convinced herself that he'd move along eventually, past his past life, and her.

(stupidstupid _stupid-_ )

"You're back," his gruff voice calls out, and she stays on the edge of his window, unwilling to move just yet. She reads his guilty expression illuminated by the moonlight behind her and instantly feels the need to run again. "Rukia I-"

"There's nothing left to be said." She says duly, shifting back into her human body. She reopens her eyes and hates how she can still feel the guilty tension in him; she hates how there's a bubbling of emotions rising threatening to further shove everything straight to hell.

"Yes there _is_." He insists, grabbing for her wrist; the touch burns both of their flesh away and everything comes up in full motion.

" _You went to the Fullbringers._ " She hisses with every force of disgust and hatred directed to herself at him. "You _fucking_ went to them. How- I- _how could you?_ "

" _How could_ _I?_ " He laughs quietly in disbelief. "You fucking left me Rukia, right after I lost my powers. You knew how broken I was _and you left me_. I had no other choice but to go to them-"

"Don't you dare tell me you had no other choice," she hisses quietly, still highly aware of the other sleeping residents in the house, "you could've just moved on and forget about everything without putting yourself in danger!"

" _Do you think I didn't try?_ " He says lowly. "I tried for five months goddammit. Half a fucking year and I was _still_ empty as fuck. So damn _me_ for taking any chance to get them back, to get _me_ back!"

"Well why didn't you wait-"

" _Wait?_ " His face contorts into a pain from a year of torment, pain, and loneliness. "I didn't know if you were even going to come back!"

Despite knowing this, it still hurt to hear them out loud from his twisted voice combined with his contorted expression of pain. She'd hoped that that would just remain as a nightmare, and she did so by flashing the Gikon; and even more so when he'd welcomed her back.

In the end, both of them had been holding back from saying how they really felt from each other; and it's all her fault.

All of this is her fault.

"I'm sorry." She says quietly, feeling a tension rise from the dormant feeling she'd tried to suppress; she quickly turns away. "I'll go back.

"No you won't," he says stubbornly, blocking the door, "I'm not letting you leave a second time."

"Ichigo, you _idiot_ ," she says, exasperatedly; the floor blurring, "I'm just going back to my apartment here-"

He lifts her up from the floor and she hates him for it, for making her feel like a child and for making her vulnerable face be shown to him. The longer he held her up there by her underarms, the harder it became to hold back the tears that finally streamed down her face. Soon enough, she found that the longer he stared, the stronger her urge grew to hit his face-

"Rukia, you're really pretty you know that?"

She blinks in disbelief and stares at him, unable to clearly read him in the dark and through the tears. And then nostalgia hits: she remembers this, this nervous anxiety that sprouts within him and that he'd blurt out something dumb whenever he had no clue what to do. Within the first months of them dating, she'd yell at him for not taking her seriously; until she'd finally learned it was was his own way of making her feel better, though she'd still get pissed off.

(but just this once, it works.)

Rukia laughs hard, all emotion released in one long stream that echo in his room. Eventually her laughter dies down and she misses the chance to see him smiling and laughing along with her; with arms around her, he'd carried her back to bed with him.

"Rukia-"

"Don't ruin this moment fool," she says with a yawn, "tomorrow, we'll talk."

"...Ok," he says quietly, absorbing her warmth and the realness of it; and for the first time in a year, he drifts off to sleep peacefully.

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"And that, my dear daughters, is how to be a real couple!"

"You were covering our eyes and ears the whole time! I didn't see anything real!"

"You don't need to." He whispers loudly, "it's right in front of your eyes."

Yuzu looks on first and notes Ichigo and Rukia wrapped in bed together; her face flushes. "Oh my god!" she squeals as quietly as she can, "It's perfect for my Instagram!"

"Exactly Yuzu! Karin, use your phone! Now!"

"Uhh no, I'm not a stalker like you two-"

"I'll buy you the upcoming video game that's being released this year."

"..."

"And the tickets to next weekend's soccer game. Front row seats."

She grins.

"Deal."

/-/

(she swears later that afternoon she'd heard an apology from him, and stares up at him suspiciously.)

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a/n: yay, i updated! xD

snow: sorry for the extreemely late chapter and thank you for waiting :)


	13. caffeinated coffee

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Ichigo rapidly moves his leg up and down under the silence between the two of them, doing something, _anything,_ to decrease the tension coming from her. He watches her from his seat and notes that another minute passes in silence, and he should've seen this coming. He should've, but he isn't sure if it's because her acting had improved and gone past his radar, or if he was just very good at lying to himself.

(he chooses the latter, reluctantly.)

Another minute passes and he decides to take a drink from the now cold coffee lying in front of him. Before, he would occasionally drink tea instead, a custom he'd picked up from his mother; but in the year, tea hadn't given him enough caffeine to keep him sane and moving, so, eventually he drank coffee. Lots of it. He sighs, it leads back to her again, this being the fifth, sixth, hundredth(?) attempt to leave this uncomfortable silence mentally at the very least.

(he swears she's doing this just to fuck with him.)

"So," she starts ( _finally_ ) and he remembers hearing it once in the rare moment she'd allowed him to stay during a Kuchiki meeting; ice-cold, rigid, and highly-imposing that made shivers run down his back. He remembers after how proud he was of her for being able to command their attention and addressing the needs of the Elders smoothly, and how she looked up at him nervously; he remembers his big smile and high-five and her relieved _idiot_. He remembers and straightens his back, "how far along are you?"

"I can see shinigami and hollows now," he says evenly, matching her business tone. "No powers though."

"I figured as much." He gives her a questioning look; she purses her lips in amusement. "A reckless fool such as you wouldn't let your lack of powers hold you back." And it's when she says these words that he realizes she must've seen the few scars left he'd forgotten to have one of the Fullbringers heal after training. His face turns to a bright red as he imagines her pale, smooth hands crawl up from under his shirt; and quickly dissipates the thought when she smirks at him knowingly. She sips her tea and sends him a very pointed look.

"How long?" She continues politely, her icy aura simmering down.

"Three months," he says slowly, gauging her reaction; a slow, heavy sigh releases from her abdomen and she finally faces him with those piercing eyes of hers that would be great in her motivational speeches and not for _this_ threatening look _._ She tilts her head eerily with the brightest smile of hers and asks: " _are you going to keep training with them?_ "

All morning he had been thinking over how he was going to do this without getting killed and without getting her mad- well, even _more_ mad. The old Ichigo would've straight-up gone back to training with them, but before, he hadn't had to worry about her leaving him.

( _willingly,_ it echoes mockingly, he scrunches up his jeans.)

"I..." He stumbles on his words, unsure of how to make her stay with him despite training with the people she didn't like one bit; and really, he couldn't blame her, they'd harmed Hisana after all in the midst of it all. Then he recalls her words and makes a quick jump for it. "You said you had something in plan for me?"

"Yes, I did." She taps the side of her cup thoughtfully before lifting her eyes up to him calmly. "But now, I think it might be safer for you to continue with them."

He stares at her as if she'd lost her mind and thrown Chappy to the ground and stomped on it several times before throwing it into his face; because considering how angry she was before, it baffles him how quickly she'd come to terms with it. He wonders what else has changed.

(and if he bothers to acknowledge it, he feels a spark of interest light up within him.)

"So when are these training days?" She asks, calling him back to earth.

"Every day after school. Usually it takes until 9 pm or later." He pauses and takes note at the worry and anguish on her face before hurriedly going on. "Don't worry, they haven't harmed my family since then; and they don't plan to, not if I can help it."

She eyes him with confusion and it takes a moment before: "you forgive so easily."

"It's not like they killed any of my family members," he shrugs nonchalantly, then his eyes turn a darker shade and she reaches out for his hand. "I killed one of them."

" _Baa-_ ka." She retorts while squeezing his hand, not saying how much she disagreed with him and his ridiculous self-blame when it was _them_ that had dragged him into this whole bullshit between them; instead, she settles to convey her empathy through her eyes as they've always done. It works: his mouth loses the hard rigid scowl and relax. "It was an accident and they wouldn't work with you if they didn't forgive you already. You know that."

"Yeah, but it doesn't hurt any less." He says quietly, and suddenly she wants to hit him in the shin for being so annoying, but they're in a cafe, so she settles for his knee and watches him shake in pain with satisfaction. Meanwhile he's gritting his teeth as he bears the throbbing pain under the fucking table, and silently curses how she's gotten more subtle with her sadistic actions; making it harder to convince people she's absolutely _evil._ "You _bitch_."

"I have to wipe that sorry look off your ugly face before I throw up. You wouldn't want me to spill it out on you would you?" She says sweetly with a radiant smile and sparkles glowing up and around her, and proceeds to glare at the other men who are staring at her in awe (what a bunch of freakin' idiots to fall for her shit-)

"Awwww," she bats her eyes quickly, "you love me _so_ much."

"Shut it," he says unconvincingly, his face still a tinge of red. "I hate how your fake acting gets to them so easily."

She laughs and he watches her eyes move down to the table, and feels a tight squeeze on his hand again. "When you're back, I'll tell you what I've been doing. In that year." She flips her hand over and he reads the kanji, the numbers, _her_ place; he looks back up. "I'll tell your family you're coming over to mine's so they don't worry."

"...Thank you." She flips her hand back and he repeats the words in his head. "I'll make sure no one's following me."

She releases a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding back and wonders what it is that's making her nervous. Her admission, his rejection, hurt, fear- perhaps all of it, she muses. In the corner of her eye, she spots a familiar man and notes that in the year she'd been away he really hadn't changed all that much; still that sly, distrustful man she'd found in the first place when she'd first met him- or rather, _fought_ him. But her gut has been well-trained within her to immediately judge many types of people since dealing with the Kuchiki Elders and the resistance; and to her reluctance, she thinks Ichigo is for once, correct.

(something was different.

.

but it didn't change anything, not yet.)

She leans forward and whispers quietly into his ear, "Your friend is here, so I'll be leaving now." Then she slaps his chest playfully; he winces still as she gets up and leaves a clean five dollar bill on the table. "Don't get your ass too beat up all right? Don't wanna end up cleaning after you."

He grins at the promise, _she's staying_. "Ok."

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Rukia walks out the door with her heels and eyes the tall man with a ferocious animosity that makes him lift his hands as if to appease her.

It doesn't.

She marches up to him and slams her heel into his shoe as he bites back down the screech; keeping her heel there, she glares up at him icily, Kuchiki-style. "Unlike Ichigo back there, I'm not as forgiving as you can see. So if I ever find out you betray him, feed him unnecessary lies, hurt him in any way possible, I promise I _will_ end you."

He smiles just the way she hates it, all _lies_ , and digs her heel harder. "He'll be just fine, Miss Kuchiki. We're cooperating together after all."

She lifts her heel away from him and gives him a final warning glare before turning away with satisfaction that upon closer inspection, she was right- something had changed, and she isn't sure if it's his features or manners or aura or something, but she thinks it has something to do with Ichigo.

(definitely, she muses, the corner of her lips rising, he could change anyone with that stupid radiance of his.)

"Good luck on reforming Rukongai." He calls out to her. "I like it."

She stills and wonders how he could possibly sound _sincere_ and _not_ sly political voice dripping with positive poison; and she wonders if Urahara told him too (she'd have to visit him again later, fist in hand). She turns back with a million questions on the tip of her tongue, but, he enters into the cafe and sits with Ichigo, and Ichigo, Ichigo is laughing with him. She bites her lip, containing her curiosity, and walks away.

 _Damn that Tsukishima._

 _/-/_

Snow: thank you :) and here's the late update!


	14. lead in lead

_/-/_

Rukia walks to Ichigo's family with heavy footsteps, unsure of what or how to appear in front of them; she doesn't expect much forgiveness from them considering that she left him in a terrible state and that they had to go through that while she went and did what she wanted to do for so long.

(and Isshin is a shinigami, that, she hasn't forgotten.)

She breathes in and out before moving her hand towards the knob, until the door is swung open suddenly and she immediately leaps back before it could hit her and knock her over. In front of her, she finds Isshin with a goofy smile as he welcomes her and drags her into his house before she could say a word. She half-smiles, _some things never change_.

Yuzu treats her to dinner and Rukia supposes this is the best time to say something about Ichigo not returning home here. But she's interrupted every time by Isshin's fanatical movements and the humor spreads even to her. Her eyes stray to Karin who's quiet and sullen compared to the rest of the family.

"-and Yuzu here just won the best essay of the year!" Isshin crows joyously. "I'm so proud of my daugh-"

"What are you really doing here, Kuchiki-san?" Karin finally asks coldly, and Rukia hadn't expected that; she'd expected a resounding fist on the table or some yelling and crying, _not_ a composed mask that contains her bottled-up emotions. She remembers this similar question and tone that had come form Kukaku-san, and she feels the same dread pool in her stonach; still, she pushes forward.

"Ichigo will not be coming back here just for today." Rukia manages to say without her voice cracking. "He'll be staying over at my apartment...if you don't mind."

"We don't mind at all!" Isshin says gleefully, unsuccessfully instilling a happy aura over the family; still, he looks over his daughter's faces expectantly. "Right?"

"I-I don't, but..." Yuzu starts off nervously, her eyes looking down as her hands twiddle together.

"What she's trying to say is to not leave Ichigo like that again," Karin says for her sister; she keeps her eyes on Rukia directly. "We'll give you a second chance, but if we find Ichigo as empty like that, then we won't forgive you."

"Thank you." Rukia bows her head in respect. "There won't be a second time."

Karin's shoulders relax at her words and Rukia has to wonder how she could possibly be so forgiving considering how much she's clung to Ichigo for so long. Still, she supposes that more than anybody else, she's grown up faster, and for this, she wonders if it's sort of her fault.

(her throat clogs up.)

/-/

It's when Rukia is at the door, pulling on her shoes that she finds Isshin's spiritual pressure against the wall.

"Thanks for coming back," he says quietly, enough so Karin doesn't hear from her video game and Yuzu doesn't hear from the water running as she washes the dishes. "you didn't have to come back for this lousy son of mine, but you did."

"Don't thank me," she says quietly, "I didn't even plan to show up in front of Ichigo, ever. It's just the situation has changed now."

"I know," he says. "I know that you've been working hard while Ichigo here has just been floundering like an idiot for a while. Hell, I had to beat some sense into him." He mentions humorlessly, before shooting a genuine smile. "The girls love you y'know?"

Rukia stares at him and remembers the sympathetic looks they'd given her and the odd way they'd reacted: _too_ _calm_. "You told them didn't you."

"Maybe?" He flashes an innocent grin, and she decides not to hit him (she'd hit Urahara instead, later, double the pain).

/-/

Ichigo feels excitement and anxiety run through his veins as he walks his way to the bart. Once he steps in, the door shuts behind him and the train swings to the left. As the minutes fly by, he considers the address yet again in his head.

(it's far, he thinks, much too far.)

The address, the location, makes him anxious again; it's a thirty minute ride from bart and walking, he _knows_ that, but the anxiety continues to crawl within him. It's worse than ever, he realizes, because he finally has her within his grasp and to lose that _again_ \- he couldn't do it. He can't, but he doesn't know what this means, if she _can_ stay or even _wants_ to. He doesn't know.

(not that he ever did.)

From the beginning, it'd taken him a very, very long time to read or understand her that well, socially. As shinigami substitute partners though, they'd clicked instantly in movement, communication evolved to merely a glance at each other, and together, they were nearly impossible to beat. But when it came down to normal life-

-he sucked hard, and it didn't help that they'd been away from each other either.

He wonders then, if he could still remain her partner.

.

.

The train stops and he hears his destination, _Kyoto_.

/-/

a/n: because karakura town is near kyoto? and japan, omg JAPAN HAS REALLY FAST BARTS AND ASIA TOO, CAN WE NOT MAKE ME MORE JELLY TT^TT

Snow: Plot planning is so not my thing Dx, but for now, I can say that Fullbringers won't be of any trouble here. I think they'll be going through a lot more obstacles than I intended originally; because Bleach makes IchiRuki so in sync with their emotions/connection that sometimes I forget that they aren't like that all the time. So I guess I want to emphasize the messy emotional turmoil within them xD Hope you enjoy this chapter!


	15. clearing up clouds

/-/

He opens the door to her home and scowls at her first thing he sees her. "At least lock the door if you're so paranoid about being followed."

"I could feel your spiritual pressure." She says, dismissing his concern with a wave of her hand. "So there was no need to. Also," she walks up to him and leans in before flicking his forehead, "you forget I'm a capable shinigami and fighter too, dimwit."

"Dimwit," he chuckles and sits himself down on her immaculate floor in the living room; he takes the drink from her hands, "is that your favorite word now?"

"Maybe, for you." She hides the small grin as he sputters a bit. Despite the outlandish look of wealth on the outside, she'd ensured herself to keep a Japanese-theme on the inside (something that the Kuchikis didn't mind, for the most part). The way he sits criss-crossed with his chin on the table like the childish boyfriend he was made her house feel more like home. Absentmindedly, she leans an elbow on the table and runs a hand through his hair. "How was training?"

"Good," he returns, "probably will complete it in a week or two." She hums a soft tune and he's taken back to the time in bed how she'd curl her hands in his hair and sing something softly that would send him to sleep immediately. It'd helped him through his after-nightmares and stress-overload.

(she could read him so well, and yet, and yet-)

"Ichigo," she says quietly whilst gently massaging his head and temples, "back when you were depressed about losing your powers, I was also working on reforming Rukongai. I'd been thinking about saving it for a long time, and wanted to put in the works."

"I was playing the political game with the Seireitei to get it done. And you know how they are, they won't give an inch or compromise." She pauses and moves behind him to unravel the tightened muscles on his neck.

"So, I did something out of my character, I went ahead and did it, because each day I waited for them to decide, more people were dying, struggling, or dead. I couldn't wait any more." She skims her hands through his hair again and massages his head. "This lasted for months within the year, until they inevitably found out. I was prepared and ready to serve my punishment, but people vouched for me, so I remained untouched for a while. Then of course" - her voice grows cold - "the judges threatened that they'd impose harm upon you."

It's at this statement that she feels Ichigo's quiet anger spread throughout his body at her words; the anger, she'd expected, the quiet? Not so much. She wraps her arms around his back and hopes it conveys the warmth that he needs and that it's not his fault. "All the more reason," he says gruffly, "to get my powers back."

"No, you could just let everyone else and me protect you," she retorts teasingly, and she adds on with a sigh before he could argue, "but you wouldn't like that, I know."

He wraps a hand around hers, and she rests her cheek against his back, before continuing. "At the same time, I was struggling back in the human world to keep my appearances up within the Kuchiki. It wasn't as hard since the focus was on my sister and Byakuya, but Hisana-nee...she was attacked. I was next, but they failed in the attempt. ...They tried to hurt you too, but clearly underestimated you." He chuckles and appreciates the effort of making it light-hearted. "Byakuya wanted to remain by Hisana-nee, and I decided then to be his assistant and shoulder most of his work."

He feels the grip on his hand become tighter just as her voice does. "Tied by two forces while trying to visit and protect you became exhausting. I felt guilty that I couldn't be in my human form as often for you, since I wanted to ensure that nobody was coming after you. Guilt kept building as I indirectly pushed the responsibility of protecting you to your father, sister, and friends. And then..."

She stops and the both of them revel in their last argument upon other arguments. Neither of them remember what it is, but their voices had escalated before she finally left. A day passed by without text messages or calls or anything of the like, and he became worried and impatient; disregarding any words of "wait a day" or that she'd specifically told him to not visit her, he'd went and-

"-You were nearly killed by a shinigami." She sighs, remembering the chaos surrounded by yelling and screaming by the public as she dragged him out of the scene quickly to Inoue; the only thing keeping her legs running being adrenaline and the sight of his blood. "And I left."

The unspoken words of, _"and tried to erase your memories"_ , hang over them in the silence, even though it had failed, and he had suffered even more. The stinging sensation remains between them, that she'd even consider doing such a thing to him. He tightens his grip on her hand and feels the unease on the train resurface.

"From then on," her voice shakes him out of his turmoil, "I cut off my hair and renamed myself as 'Kuru' in the shinigami world to separate my shinigami life from Kuchiki life for my sanity. In my spare time, I'd also research on how I could return your powers."

"Why?" He asks. "Why, when you assumed my memories were gone?"

"...I think, somewhere deep inside, I wanted you to remember," she says quietly, "I couldn't bear to do it myself and pushed it onto Kisuke. Even then...I never came back to check if you'd really lost your memories. I was half-hoping Kisuke hadn't done it, I guess, so in my spare time I researched; and I decided that I could return once my duties were completed."

His back relaxes at the admittance and she feels him heave a relieved sigh. The tension rolls off his shoulders a bit and he feels the unease lift a little. Invisible wounds- wounds that _she_ caused, she thinks with a pang in her heart, would take a long time to heal.

(but it's worth it.)

…

"How do you feel?" She asks softly, still facing his back. He turns around and the emotions spiral down to hers in a form of: anger, sadness, despair, regret, and then the one thing she did not expect: understanding. She blinks once, twice, and then _what?_

"...As much as I hate to admit it," he says tugging her to his side, "I wasn't moving forward, just moping like a stupid teenager. So unreliable to the point that you didn't feel like I could handle any part of your burden." Before she could argue, the words catch in her throat when his eyes burn again with a fire she hasn't seen in a very long while. "That won't happen again."

"It better not," she quips with an easy grin on her face. "Especially since you're working hard with the Fullbringers."

"Yeah," he grins easy, "We're moving forward together aren't we?"

"Do you even need to ask?" She mutters, leaning into him.

"Grumpy ass."

"Foolish carrot."

"Fucking Ch-"

"Don't even _finish_ that sentence."

/-/

a/n: hi? and i think this time imma actually schedule things to force me to write, so it won't take 2 months to update again.

Snow: Yay! 'Glad you felt the feels in the last chapter xD Ohhh, I watched Bleach Movie 3 a while back :D The trailer then definitely gave me a lot of hype for IchiRuki X3 Ay, here's the update!


	16. sunlight

/-/

 _Beep! Beep! Beep!-_

She reaches over her bedside and silences the little device, and finds the green dot to be within her jurisdiction. She grabs her badge and quickly enters her shinigami uniform and walks out to the balcony. She sits on the ledge and let's her feet dangle from several feet above, and waits patiently.

She feels the weight of another stand beside her, then: "Is it here because it can sense me now?"

She lightly hits his head for his idiocy and self-blaming that couldn't be helped (but he was too _stupid_ to realize this). "The more hollows here, the easier it'll be for me to send them to Rukongai."

"True." He says, feeling the hollow closer to them now. "Don't be reckless 'til I can help you."

"I'm never reckless," she retorts with a contradictory smile. "Get back to sleep."

"Ah." He says simply, and watches her go, before moving back into the room, leaving the balcony wide open.

(sleep does not come easy.)

/-/

His eyes open up again and catch the dim light of her laptop. He crawls over to the edge of the bed and peeks over her shoulder, still blinking the sleepiness away. "What are you doing?"

"Nii-sama texted me. Fixing up one of his secretary's files," she says monotonously, typing away stringently without pause.

"I thought you weren't Byakuya's" - she bristles at the informality but doesn't say a word (she's tried already with failed attempts) - "assistant anymore."

"I was his 'assistant' in name only, to soothe the poor Kuchiki elder's wounds," she cooes sarcastically; he smirks. "In reality I was his co-boss as he went off to spend time with my sister. I've been in his stead for nearly a year, so I understand how his mind works. I still help him from time-to-time, with pay of course."

"Oh," he picks up the ends of her short hair and twirls it. Her typing slows as it turns 2:30, and a random thought comes to mind. He waits several more minutes until she's sending the file to her brother, and speaks. "So, you're the next Kuchiki head-in-line?"

"No," she says automatically, "it's impossible for me to become the Head what with such upfront refusal from the Elders' side. _But_ ," she says before he could rebuttal with something stupid, "I'll force my way in one way or another."

Reveling in the satisfaction that she'd stunned him with saying something out-of-character, she smirks. "I made some allies while being his assistant."

He stares at the woman before him, the dull light reflecting off her confident, brazen eyes and the proud form of someone whose gone above and beyond him in just a year, and this woman is _his_.

He reaches for her and tugs her to him. "You've done really well," he says with unshakeable pride, because finally, finally she holds confidence in herself that he always knew she had in her. This almost makes up for her lack of absence, he muses.

(almost.)

She snuggles into his warmth and with one hand, places the laptop back in her bag and zips it closed. She remembers hearing these words from her brother when she returned his position; the words from her sister when she visited her sister after many months of work; yet, something about hearing it from Ichigo solidifies her efforts. She nearly sniffles but she blinks back the unwanted tears and resorts to quips, a familiarity in their relationship. "I've _always_ done good."

"Nah," he drags her back under the covers, "you were worse off before. You didn't have fun in your spare time, know how to cook edible food-"

"-My food was the best, idiot." She retorts. "And you still ate it."

"For _your_ sake honey," he says sweetly. "I can't show Yuzu and Karin such rude manners could I?"

"Mm," she finally says with a yawn and drops back on her pillow, "your supposed win here doesn't count by the way. I'm saving my energy for tomorrow."

"Well you're still saying quite a lot of words- oops." He catches the evil eye she imposes down on him and resorts to shutting up to her satisfaction.

/-/

"Good morning idiot." He hears, her breath tickling his ears. The waft of breakfast hits him, and he blinks his eyes open. She smirks. "So my food's that good huh?"

"It's so bad that it slapped me awa-" He cuts off in mid-sentence, a key dangling above him from her fingertips.

"You better visit." She says simply, and drops it into his hands. He stares at the metal piece, a small flicker of numbers imprinted across with her reiatsu. Ah, the digital passcode, he muses. He grins and follows after her.

/-/

When he steps back on the train and it shifts back to Karakura Town, he finds that he is no longer afraid, that he is looking forward to this future they've together.

He feels the weight of the key around his neck, he feels the promise of moving forward together, he feels, and feels, and feels that although not everything is perfect, everything is finally falling into place.

The distance does not scare him anymore.

.

.

The train stops and he steps forward.

(they'd be just fine.)

.

.

.

- _fin_ -

* * *

a/n: thank you for reading. :)


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